There are various types of coffee drinkers including those who insist on coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, Starbucks or McDonalds.


There are various types of coffee drinkers including those who insist on coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, Starbucks or McDonalds.  There are those who drink only one cup a day and those who drink coffee all day long.



I’m not sure what I am.  I do drink too much coffee; I will admit that as a fact.



Anything leftover from the morning coffee pot will be consumed after dinner.  I do heat it in the microwave first.  It’s just me, I like it.  I kind of get a happy buzz by just smelling it.  There are many worse addictions.



At work, I have two choices, pay 30 cents for a Styrofoam cup on my floor or go a floor below and pay 25 cents for a cup that I consider to be better.  It could be because it’s a nickel cheaper or it could be because most of the folks downstairs have PhDs in things like physics and aerospace engineering.  Not they make better coffee, but the conversation around the pot is a little more interesting.



Recently, a fierce cold spell spread through the South setting record low temperatures in many cities.  They said that “It came straight from the Arctic,” and had to do with the polar vortex.



Well, perhaps that explains the predicament I found myself in one morning this week.  The day before the cold weather hit my area, the temperatures were comfortable.  Comfortable to the point that I had cracked open the window in my office.



You know where this is going…



The morning of the polar vortex hitting us, I decided to come in a little late because all of the schools had decided to delay their normal start times.  Walking down the hall of my office building, the temperature was rather toasty.



I keep my office door shut when I’m not inside or when I’m working on something that I need to think really hard about.



I opened the door.



The polar vortex or the strong, upper-level winds that normally surround the North Pole had occupied my office.  By my estimation, the temperature was around 15 degrees.



The winds that tend to keep the bitter cold air locked in the Arctic regions had blown my unlatched window completely open.  The ceiling tiles in my office were all displaced.  I suppose this was proof that as they say, “On occasion, this polar vortex can become distorted and dip much farther south than you would normally find it – allowing cold air to spill southward.”



It did.



The cold air spilled everywhere.



Before I could shut the window, my nose was dripping icicles.  My face felt like I had been pelted with snowballs.



Looking around I noticed two frozen cups of coffee on my desk.  My computer screens had this haze them on.



I put my hand on my desk and it stuck.



My desk chair has a seat bottom that is kind of like those mattresses that are supposed to conform to your shape or “buttocks” as Forrest Gump might say.  I tried sitting in my chair and it didn’t give a lick.  It felt like sitting on an ice block.  Not that I have ever had the opportunity to try sitting on an ice block.



Trying to figure out the best way to get my office warmed up, I ended up getting a “turbo fan” and trying to suck warm air out of the hall into my office.



It wasn’t working.



It seemed my igloo of an office was now bringing the temperature of my wing of the building down.



I was in an unpopular position.



After a couple of hours, the fellow who sits next door strolled in with doughnuts and we drank a cup of coffee.



We don’t do cold real well in the South, but in my case I do “stupid” pretty good with leaving the window unlatched.



This English poet named John Pomfret noted back in 1702 in his work about “Reason” that “We live and learn, but not wiser grow.”



After learning how this fellow died, I didn’t feel so bad about being stupid and leaving the window open.



You see John wrote about the ideal life being that of a bachelor, who spent his days reading and drinking with friends and his nights with a wild woman.  I don’t know any other way to put it.



John got sick and went to London for medical help, but a bishop there heard about his writing about “keeping a mistress,” etc. and decided to make John wait awhile to see the doctor.  While waiting, John caught the smallpox and died.



Not a happy ending for a fellow who noted that we live and learn, but really don’t get any smarter.



I’m trying to get smarter.  I made a big sign to put on the backside of my door that says, “Latch the window!”



Read more stories at www.CranksMyTractor.com.