Mexican President Kin to Them Atwood Boys!

This can’t be right! It’s a news media trick! Or a skit from Saturday Night Live!

The president of another country comes to America. He goes to Washington D. C. He stands up before both houses of Congress, singles out one of our great American states and then berates and belittles and accosts and accuses and criticizes said state in front of the whole world……and we don’t do nothing! Has Orson Wells returned? Surely it’s an episode from “The Twilight Zone”!

Yeah, I’m mad. And confused. And disappointed. And hurt. My heart aches.

And this has nothing to do with immigration, legal or other wise. Listen, I don’t care if Arizona is absolutely right……or absolutely wrong! That is way beside the point. It’s an American problem. It surely might have repercussions in other lands. But it is unfolding within the precious borders of THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

You let us handle it. Naturally, we will screw it up. We will get mad and fuss and argue and shout and air our “opinions” on Face the Nation, Larry King Live or Bill O’Riley. We will call out the National Guard, hire lobbyist, email our congressman and complain to the convenience store clerk. We will send Geraldo in to investigate. CBS will have a mini series out in a couple of months. Jay Leno and David Letterman with sort it all out on late night t.v. But it is our problem. It is serious and I hope we’ve got people working on it even as we speak. Our history says we’ve got to gesticulate a mite before we do anything. Think about states rights; and slavery, prohibition, women suffrage and the Teapot Dome scandal. We are still arguing over who sunk the Maine for goodness sakes!    

I don’t even know the name of the President of Mexico. I respect his position in the world. But I do question his deportment and good sense. If he wants to make a statement about how we ought to do things let him get his own house in order. Don’t come to our country and insult us. Here’s how he can be a great influence on America. Make Mexico a model country. Get his own economy on solid footing. Put everyone in Mexico to work IN MEXICO! Out enterprise America! Make the best automobiles, TV sets, hydro electric plants, oil refineries, lingerie, dog collars, leather belts and ceramic coffee mugs. End poverty, class wars, drug dealing, gangs, discrimination, divorce court, malnutrition, kidney stones and people living on the streets.

You want to help. Lead by example! You get everything “fixed” in your own homeland and, I guarantee you, we’ll come around quicker than you can say Poncho Villa. It will take us a while to sort it all out. But you get it right and we’ll send a committee down there to see just exactly how you did it!

You won’t have to come to America and say a word. We’ll get the message!

We had a guy from New Jersey in an English class professor Abbott Martin taught at the University of the South back when I was fighting the college wars. He was as self righteous, dogmatic and obnoxious as anyone I’d ever been around. I formed an opinion of the whole state based on that one relationship. And I have been known to cast a few aspersions toward New Jersey as a result. Way up in the corner of Eastern Tennessee, the folks say “we’ins” and “you’ins”. What kind of talk is that? Rhode Island is too small to be a state. I get tired of hearing everything is bigger and better in Texas. Detroit natives say “rut” for root. And people in San Francisco can make decisions that baffle the mind…….

I can say anything I want to about New Jersey. They’ve got big shoulders. Besides, I’ve never met anyone from the Garden State that couldn’t “give as good as they got”. I can shake my head at the way they speak in East Tennessee. I was born in that state. Rhode Island will tell you great things come in small packages. I have been to Texas…..you know, it is pretty big. My Detroit friends made that 1960 Chevrolet that gave me some of the best memories of my life. We count California like you would the uncle or first cousin who was hanged for stealing horses.  

I grew up with these people. I overlook their shortcomings……because they have overlooked mine!

It is all in the family. But buster, don’t you come over here and criticize one of our relatives! I’ll claw your eyeballs out! Charlie and Bernice Roberts are the only two people I know from Arizona. And they only live there part time. But I kinda like them. They alone, are worth fighting for. Ira Hayes was from Arizona. You say something about him and every Marine in America will come after you.

We haven’t got to solve the immigration problem overnight…..but we’ve got to correct this notion of letting indignant foreigners stand before congress and spout off any venom they choose RIGHT NOW! TODAY! IMMEDIATELY! If we don’t do that we’ve lost the ranch.

I can remember the summer them no-good boys from down at Atwood rushed up to our little town, dead-set on dating the local girls. It didn’t take us but about 10 seconds in that first booth out at Frank’s Dairy Bar to realize the seriousness of the situation. We elected Bob Cassidy and Roland Argo to go out there and put a whipping on them “interlopers” so as to send them scurrying back down Highway 79 with their tails tucked between their legs. It didn’t matter that most of the girls we were defending were ugly. They were our ugly girls! We drew a line in the sand just as quick as we could.

This wayward outburst from the Mexican President is the exact same thing!

Respectfully,

Kes