You ARE Family At Cracker Barrel!

Now people, I’m telling this story with my hand up. I couldn’t hardly believe it myself. Cathy and I stopped at a Cracker Barrel on the way back from one of the grandkid’s first dental checkup. I had just finished ordering the chicken and dumplings, fried okra and turnip greens and was scanning the place as Cathy gleefully pointed out one more time the x-rays clearly depicting the straightness of our little darling’s front teeth. I’m hearing her, but mostly I’m hoping no neighboring table can put together that we drove right at five hundred miles one way to attend a tooth review!

“Didn’t you like Dr. Winton? He could tell how smart Hannah was by the way she sat right up—”

“Cathy!” I near’ bout jumped out of my skin, “They’ve got a picture of my great Uncle Harvey and Aunt May White up on the wall yonder!” I slid out of my seat and maneuvered around two tables and by a four star waitress to get a better look. I apologized to the couple from Eau Claire, Michigan, as I leaned across their meatloaf dinners to make sure.

Son of a gun! There wasn’t no mistaking Uncle Harvey. Now, he died in 1954 or ’55. And I was fairly small but you couldn’t forget that horseshoe shaped cut on his chin nor that big scar over his right eye. The sprawling beard could not hide the clear out line of the cut under his lip. And that long, deep gash over his eye looked like someone stuck a knife in it and took two steps to the left. I sat down with the Michigan folks and went to filling them in about my great uncle.

He was almost with Teddy Roosevelt at San Juan Hill. You could still feel the disappointment in his voice at being a day late when I knew him in the fifties. He had such great stories about his army days and his early life in Lawrence County. He walked with a slight limp but when we queried him about it hoping for a good war tale he dismissed it as old age. Mom said he got kicked on the chin by a mule when he and Aunt May first set up house keeping.  Aunt May White was actually Granny’s aunt. I’m not sure how kin she was to us but this was back in the day when everyone was either an uncle, aunt or cousin. Aunt May died before I was old enough to remember her but I’d seen lots of pictures. I pointed out the sharp nose and the dark, Cherokee eyes to Cathy, the waitress and the Eau Claire group.

The cut over Harvey’s eye was a whole nother story. I’ve heard several versions. None of them bear real well on the family’s rich history. I don’t believe the jealous lover account. One look at Aunt May White would make the wanderingest of husbands hang close to the cabin. The drunken brawl melee was more likely the case. Granddaddy figured Harvey picked up the “souvenir” in a much ballyhooed 10 round bout with Jeff Kiefer, a noted light heavyweight boxer from Paducah. Uncle Harvey never mentioned the scar in my presence.

What are my relatives doing hanging on a wall in Cracker Barrel? I’ve seen other old couples on the wall. I thought they were made up! You know, thrown in amongst the horse collars, Calumet Baking Soda signs and the antique coffee making machine for the “down home” effect. It never dawned on me these folks are real…..until right now!

When those Cracker Barrel folks invite you in like family, they ain’t kidding!

I bet Harvey and Aunt May might have cracked a smile if they had known the picture was being preserved for posterity. She might have even let her hair down. And a wee smile and a wink could have made the meat loaf and cream corn sparkle. ’Course, none of those old pictures have people smiling in them. I don’t know if it was bad dental work, constipation or the style in 1914. They didn’t come across as mean mind you. They just looked serious as all get out! Picture day might have coincided with a bad hog market.

Me and the Eau Claire folks got to wondering if this was the only store exhibiting Uncle Harvey and Aunt May. Who in the family gave permission? You reckon they have copied this thing and are displaying it from Florida to Montana? There are copyright laws! And don’t you need a writ of habeas corpus or something? You just can’t hang Uncle Harvey up without due process.

I figured, at the very least, Cracker Barrel owed us a free meal. Me and the Michigan wife stood in front of the picture while her husband took our picture. I detailed again the bar room brawl to some late comers. And it took a while to explain that “uncle—cousin—kinfolk” thing to the bus load of basketball players from Mt. Juliet. I signed a few autographs. And I tried to get Uncle Harvey in the throngs of the San Juan Hill battle but honesty, and history, compelled me to stick to the facts.

We were making our way out of the dining hall when I spied the ancient 12 gauge over the giant fireplace. “Wait a minute! Uncle Harvey had an old shotgun!” I got up on the hearth for a better look. It was a Remington Model 82 with those now famous rabbit ear hammers. “I’d know this gun anywhere!” It even had the broken trigger guard. I was trying to turn it over to see the “HHW” initials on the stock when the Michigan couple came running back in with their camera.

I got to looking around for his Spanish War uniform and that mule…..

Respectfully,

Kes