Whole Town “In” On Resolution!

No New Year’s predictions and/or resolutions from me. Wasn’t it Gutenberg……or maybe Garfield, who said, “Things at rest tend to stay at rest and things in motion tend to stay in motion”? The translation is people are going to keep on doing what they’ve been doing in spite of good intentions, well thought out plans or late December promises made out of desperation, hope or exaggerated beliefs in one’s own abilities. 

I’ve tried the dieting resolution. I couldn’t pass on the coconut cream pie. I tried the “kinder to your neighbors” promise. My good neighbors already overlook my many shortcomings. They even kid me about them over the fence. I’ve made the “get in shape” pledge. I don’t look good in shorts and that computer enhanced, muscled up guy on the video kept shouting at me! One year I “resoluted” to do the vacuuming, dish washing and dusting on a shared basis. Unfortunately, that was the exact very January my tennis elbow reared its ugly head. 

New Year’s Resolutions are a good idea that most often don’t pan out.

Maybe we aim too high. It would be like Olive Oil determining she wanted to become the fat lady for a circus; or Pavarotti deciding to become a country singer; or Stevie Wonder trying out for the Green Bay Packers.   

My 1963 promise to myself was to get a date with Mary Hadley Hayden. I shared my inner most thoughts over some eggnog with Ricky Gene Stafford. “My stars and garters, are you completely nuts!” Rick, I thought, was a little too quick to sum up the situation. Besides, who died and left him in charge of resolutions!

Mary Hadley was the prettiest girl in school. “Exactly my point” was the way Ricky Gene put it. There had to be a way! I sought out the advice of my older, and much wiser, brother. Leon starred off into space for what seemed like forever before turning back to me. “How much money do you have? It’s going to take something like the bribe of the century to pull this off!”

I approached Pam Collins who was Mary Hadley’s good friend and, I think, first cousin. Pam looked me right in the eye. And swallowed hard! Dang, I knew she wasn’t going to be much help even before she started laughing. 1963 wasn’t going too well for me and we weren’t even through the first week!

LaRenda Bradfield put her hand on my shoulder in the parking lot our first day back at school, “Kes, good luck with Mary Hadley.” Now how did she find out, I just had this thought a couple of days ago— I’m going to kill Pam Collins the first time she shows her face! Buddy Wiggleton caught up with me going into English, “Hey, this is going to be better than the time we let the bull loose at the church picnic.” “I have heard,” Yogi leaned over while Miss Clark was digging out “Great Expectations”, “that the prettier they are, the worse they kiss.” He said it like this whole thing was a scientific experimentation. Mr. Warren, the school superintendant, ran into me in the gym, “I think you might have misunderstood my ‘aim high’ speech at the beginning of the semester.” Daddy strolled down to the barn where I was finishing up with the milking. “Son, dating can be a difficult challenge. You might want to start out with some of the girls out this way before you tackle Hubert Hayden’s daughter.”

The small town curse had gotten me again! And I was thinking I’m through with the News Year’s hex game forever when I ran slap into Mary Hadley in the lunch line on Thursday. My neck turned six shades of red! I prayed the floor would open up and swallow me. My knees buckled. I went to wishing I had that Frankie Avalon curl or Fabian smile. And I was trying like the dickens to say “hello” in my most grown up, manly voice but there wasn’t nothing coming out!

Mary Hadley smiled and moved on down the line. Drats! We’d never heard of the “Carpe Diem” philosophy in 1963. And that “suave and debonair” stuff only worked in Brylcreem commercials and Cary Grant movies.

Mom ironed my best shirt and kept it ready “just in case”. Mr. John Motheral, who ran the drugstore downtown, was kind enough to tell me the Coke float was on him if Mary Hadley and I “per chance” came in together. Frank out at Frank’s Dairy Bar said basically the same thing. Tommie Hill at the DX Station offered a tank of gas “if and when” the occasion took place. I was thinking why not take out a billboard for goodness sakes! Or put it on the marquee at the Park Theatre! And oh, by the way, Mr. Clericuzio who ran the Theatre had one of the double seats reserved for us because “stranger things have happened”.

Never, in the entire history of New Year’s resolutions, had a plan gone so awry!

So you can make all the pledges and declarations you want to. I hope and pray they all work out for you. Just please understand why I’m kinda doing it one day at a time. And that is not to say that I haven’t done my share of long range thinking. I daydreamed about playing shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals but I never got so far as to make that a prediction or a resolution. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be rich and famous. But that has never been an overriding consideration. I’ve entertained on several occasions running the Boston marathon but reality always overtakes me before I get too deep into training.

I reckon I did hear some of Mr. Warren’s speech.

Respectfully,

Kes