Reckon Vanilla Extract Needs A Spokesman?

Published: Thursday, February 21, 2013 at 12:02 PM.

We’d never heard of Diet Coke in 1957. Me and Ricky and Yogi would drink a sugar laden Root Beer over on the front steps of Woodrow Kennon’s Grocery Store and then run up and play for an hour on the World War I cannon guarding the square. We’d then high-tail it down to the big ditch below our house and swing across the water on grape vines. We’d spend the afternoon playing baseball way out at that field across from the Pajama Factory. We’d race like the Devil was after us to get home before the sundown curfew. We ended most everyday a whole lot thinner than we started it.

Don’t blame the cola if you’re going to sit on the couch for hours on end and watch Howdy Dowdy. Listen, you can get fat eating carrots and English peas if you don’t know when to stop! 

It might behoove our young generation to worry less about their calorie intake and spend more time “hand walking” the World War I cannon. How about a good game of “kick the can” or “hide and go seek”?  

Plus, do we really believe Robert Wagner has a reverse mortgage on his personal home? Sam Elliot is as rugged as all get out and one of the most likeable actors around, but does that mean he actually drives a Dodge Ram? I have a pretty good idea of “What’s in Alec Baldwin’s wallet” since he started doing those Capital One commercials!

Leon would say, “They’re just in it for the money.”

I don’t wear English Leather. I had a girlfriend once that insisted I would be more attractive to her if I’d splash a little on before we went to the dance over at the National Guard Armory in Lexington. It smelled like a cross between dead lilacs and prune juice to me! I stuck with a touch of Vanilla Extract along each sideburn. I wasn’t about to put some “foreign substance” all over my face and body.

But let’s not kid each other here; if the English Leather people showed up and said, “Hey Kes, we’ll pay you a million dollars to get on TV and promote our cologne”, I’d sign on any dotted line they pointed to! I’d pour that stuff in my hair, my eyes, I bathe in it……shoot, I’d drink it for that kind of money! I’d proclaim English Leather to the rooftops! I wouldn’t care how many lilacs or prunes were killed in the making of the commercial.

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