You talk about a can of worms!

Published: Thursday, March 14, 2013 at 09:35 AM.

The Colorado Senate is mulling over Bill 196 which would hold all gun companies liable if one of their products is used in an incident that injures someone. Let’s see here, if I can understand this right, basically this law is saying that if Browning or Remington made a shotgun in 1960 and fifty-three years later some nincompoop accidently or otherwise shoots someone, the original manufacturer is responsible for the damages.

I say it’s about time! I’ve been waiting years for this day!

And my beef is not with Smith and Wesson. It’s the Gerber Food Company. My Mother bought jar after jar of their strained bananas and forcibly shoved them down my young throat. Naturally, it warped me for life! It wasn’t just the terrible taste. It was the runny consistency of the crushed bananas racing through my innocent body that wakes me up in the middle of the night to this day. Ye gads! Someone should shoulder the blame for how I turned out!

I couldn’t sue Mother. But I can go after those Gerber folks with absolutely no qualms. And I’m not alone here. I could name you plenty of classmates growing up that had “problems” above the norm. I’m talking about crib fights that lingered into junior high. Shouting matches enhanced by strained banana additives. You just know the ripe bananas made their way to the grocers’ shelf. If they lasted a tad too long they became banana nut bread……..I can only imagine how “ripe” they were when they got squeezed into those little bottles. And that pin-up Gerber baby was smiling from the label just like everything was on the up and up! I’m thinking big time restitution is due me.

We do it with oil spills, why not baby food?

The Buster Brown Shoe Company would be my next target. You talk about false advertisement. Buster might have had the worst haircut I ever saw but he looked almighty content adorning each box of shoes the manufacturer turned out. He was happily extolling the virtues of the style and good looks of his footwear. I can’t remember exactly what he said about comfort. But he failed to mention altogether the amount of concrete and pig iron used in the production of each and every single shoe they made! And I was getting these skillets second hand. My older brother would wear them for a year, sometimes two, and he couldn’t put a dent in them! 

I limped until Coach Camp issued me a pair of those Chuck Taylor All Star basketball shoes in high school. I figure Buster owes me something for all the pain and injury he caused me in my formative years.

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