You talk about a can of worms!

Published: Thursday, March 14, 2013 at 09:35 AM.

I don’t know who made Cod Liver Oil. I hope it was those Johnson and Johnson folks. If this Bill in Colorado passes, I’m going looking for them! That stuff was vile! Mother, as she lined us up and poured a tablespoon full down us each morning, allowed that the vitamins and natural minerals would protect us from rickets, build up our immune systems, strengthen our teeth, hair and bones and give us an energy boost to “be our best” during the day. It was all hype; no one actually knew the long term effect of the fatty acids involved. Company officials remain suspiciously mum on the subject till this day! 

We’d never seen a cod fish but the name kinda said it all for us. And the fact that I daily partook of some of their liver had me quivering this morning. It looked like it came from a pre-historic tar pit! It smelled like the scum off of Mr. Archie Moore’s pond after it had simmered in the sun all day! And it tasted like regurgitated prune juice on steroids! You remember how awful that S.S.S Tonic was? Well, let me tell you something, up next to Cod Liver Oil, S.S.S. Tonic tasted like a chocolate sundae with whipped cream on top!

Mom gave it to us for our health. There has got to be some humor there for sure! The Cod Liver Oil people should have provided counselors at the very least. It’s a clear case of abuse if ever I saw it! Someone in the company or down at the boat docks or deep in the ocean where they dredged those cods up ought to be held accountable.

Silly you say. I’ve seen stranger things in this country. And there is no stopping once we get rolling on making manufacturers liable for everything they’ve ever produced in the history of the known world. I got fined for running a stop sign once. It was late at night and I could barely see the blooming signal! It should have been lighted or painted some iridescent orange color or placed in the middle of the road instead of way over on the side. I want my money back!

Listen, I could have easily been Valedictorian of my high school class. I only missed it by sixty-one people. That was bad teaching on someone’s part. Mr. Warren and the school board let me down. I could go after Random House or McGraw-Hill for producing faulty textbooks.

I’m just getting warmed up here. I ate a can of Redbird Vienna Sausage once……


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