Cranks My Tractor

Published: Thursday, June 6, 2013 at 09:20 AM.

There are stories I tell that are for everybody and there are those I tell out of earshot of certain people.  Therefore, I’m only telling this one to folks in the Deep South where I’m sure my wife won’t find out back in Virginia.  You might ask why I would do that.

Because I think it’s a pretty good one (but I also fear retaliation from my wife).

Recently, my wife celebrated a special birthday (her 50th) and like most men, I was pondering on what to get her.  Women say they “don’t want anything” or “don’t spend too much,” and it puts you in a bind.  It puts you in a worse bind when your wife is the Chief Financial Officer (CFO) of the household.  She’s very good at it.

Well, I had to start somewhere.  My oldest daughter is in college and good at picking things out, so I told her to think about it.  Never send a 20 year-old girl out to shop for your wife’s birthday present.  They have not yet realized how long it actually takes to make enough money to pay for “nice things.”

To make matters worse, I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law was with her.  That makes for a “double whammy.”

I get the call at work that my daughter has found “the perfect gift” and she starts in on asking me exactly how much I want to spend.  I asked her, “Well, how much is it?”  She said what every man (at least me) cringes when he hears.  She said, “It depends on how many carats.”


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