Cranks My Tractor

Published: Thursday, May 9, 2013 at 09:18 AM.

The first to the scene was an older woman with “a little baseball bat” which she used on the victim. Another older neighbor noted, “…she ended up whacking him a good one.”

Folks in the neighborhood started pouring out of their houses with every weapon they could find. These weapons probably included umbrellas, rolling pins and doorstops. It really sounds like a professional wrestling match that had gotten out of hand.

While this is happening, the Mormon bishop (Mr. Hendrix) is being beckoned out of bed by his son pounding on his bedroom door. The soon to be hero, Mormon bishop gets out of bed, throws on some clothes, picks up his Samurai sword (he keeps by his bed) and runs barefooted down the street to see what’s going on.

After approaching the suspected stalker, the Mormon bishop started waving his sword in the air and pointed it at the stalker demanding that he lie down on the ground. Keep in mind the stalker had been pepper sprayed and hit with “a little baseball bat.”

I have two questions here.

1) What kind of shape was the stalker in at this point?

2) If the stalker can actually still stand up, how does the Mormon bishop know that the stalker isn’t going to pull some sort of Indiana Jones on him? (Remember the fellow with the sword that Indiana Jones just shot in the middle of all his fancy sword swinging?)

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