Cranks My Tractor

Published: Thursday, May 9, 2013 at 09:18 AM.

The teary-eyed previously whacked in the head stalker decides to run for it. The barefoot Mormon bishop chases him down the street waving his sword.

The stalker gets away, but advertently drops his Chap Stick in the street. This next part is possibly the best. As the stalker is getting into his vehicle, the barefoot Samurai sword waving Mormon bishop stops and picks up the Chap Stick and yells, “Ha! I've got your DNA and I've got your license plate. You are done!'"

Within an hour, the stalker turned himself in to the police. I’m pretty sure the shoeless Mormon bishop attributed the surrender to the Chap Stick capture and his sword waving skills. Honestly, I think the stalker was tired of being pepper sprayed, hit with little baseball bats and chased by a barefoot Mormon bishop swinging a sword and yelling "DNA" and probably "Citizen's Arrest" in a Gomer Pyle tone of voice. Dropping the Chap Stick may have saved his life.

But headlines not only do not tell the whole story, but often do not convey the true story. The Mormon bishop has been all over the internet and television being interviewed, showing his sword waving skills off and donning his Kung Fu outfit with a black belt holding his pants up.

I’ve seen no interviews with the little old baseball bat whacking lady – I really would like to see her. In my opinion, she deserves most of the credit for getting in the first lick.

In the stories, I have learned that the “Mormon bishop” is actually a “pharmaceutical statistician.” This bothers me. The media has the opportunity to promote and glorify folks who do math for a living and they don’t do it. Instead, they bring religion into it.

Whatever “reels them in,” right?

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