~“Thank God they didn’t start a fire”~

Published: Thursday, November 15, 2012 at 11:24 AM.

This time it almost backfired.

Enjoying myself with my normal escapades, I was having a good time on this Saturday morning.

After obsessively cleaning the whole grocery cart with one of those antibacterial wet wipes the grocery store provides, the produce section is always the best place to start. You are there to develop a relationship with a fruit or vegetable.

For instance, try an onion. Hold it up to the light, then to your ear, then hold two onions, one in each palm while stretching your arms straight out on each side forming the letter “T” with your soon to be AARP body.

Always make sure someone is watching, preferably a college aged girl who probably hasn’t gone to the grocery store much.

When you are sure she can hear you, pull both arms in and look closely at the onions again. Put one in a bag and then into your cart, then before putting the unlucky onion back, hold it up in front of your face and say, “I’m so sorry, you were not chosen.” Three out of ten young women will pick up the onion you put back and take it home with them, even if they didn’t need an onion.

Bell peppers, tomatoes and apples have a better chance of being picked up, but on this day I really needed an onion. Don’t try this with watermelons!

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