Cranks My Tractor

Published: Thursday, May 16, 2013 at 11:33 AM.

Hallmark movies are actually pretty good movies to watch while cooking or thinking about cooking dinner.  They all last two hours, which includes about 30 minutes of commercials usually loaded more toward the end of the movie to make you wait to see what you know is definitely going to happen.  You need to use low heat and walk back and forth to the kitchen a lot.

The commercials on the Hallmark channel are also usually “slow and predictable.”  After watching a Hallmark movie, one usually has a craving to sit in a Craftmatic bed eating Smuckers jelly out of the jar with a plastic spoon with Acne medicine on your face while filling out an application to join AARP.  You feel a little guilty about eating the Smuckers right out of the jar with the plastic spoon, so you call the 800 number for Nutrisystem.

In the middle of all this, you still feel good and you want to be loved like the folks in the Hallmark movie.  You want everything to be alright and for this two-hour period, you’d bet the mortgage that it will be.

The movie I was watching was about a nice looking lady who had “gone home” to spread her estranged father’s ashes per his wishes and have a couple of his feuding friends sing while she tossed the ashes up into the rural Massachusetts wind. 

After reading about the movie, I figured out that it was actually filmed in Canada, but it seemed more like Ireland. Everyone had Irish accents.  It seems I’ve heard there are a lot of Irish folks in Massachusetts.

The location doesn’t matter and please don’t think I didn’t like this movie.  I loved it.  Was it hokey?  You better know it was and it made you want to be there right in the middle of it.

Have you ever stood just stood and read Hallmark cards at the store?  All those one liners?  All those cards with nice love words oozing out of them?  You say things to yourself like, “I wish someone would say that to me,”  “Now that would crank my tractor, “ or “I wanna be loved like that.”

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