Cranks My Tractor

Published: Thursday, May 16, 2013 at 11:33 AM.

Hallmark movies are full of these zingers that should be in Hallmark cards.  It makes you think about the “Chicken and the Egg.”  You know – did they make the movie from the cards or make the cards from the movie.

At one point in the movie, the lady who you know will fall for the hometown fellow tells her friend’s husband, “Sometimes a woman just needs you to show her that she means more to you than anything in the world.”  Hallmark movies have a tendency to sometimes bash men.  I understand, every once in a while they need to put the shoe on the other foot.

Cate with a “C” is the lady there to dispose of her father’s ashes; she is engaged to an old fogey named Stewart who is 20 years older than she.  How do I say this?  Stewart is a backside of a donkey or something like that.  He has to be.  He’s going to lose.  You know he will lose.

The winner is Connor.  He wears his collar up once in a while, has a dog and smiles like he’s just eaten a jar of Smuckers jelly with a plastic spoon.  During commercials, you want to go to the powder room and look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a Connor, rather than the fiancé that acts like he is experiencing some of the undesirable side effects of the medication from the commercials.

I was boiling carrots on low, I love carrots.

Before Connor shows back up in New York City with his dog to woo Cate with a “C” back to rural Massachusetts, you get all of the other things that have to be in a Hallmark movie. 

Just like country music songs need tractors, cheating, drinking, dying and cowboys, Hallmark movies need wicker picnic baskets, a fair or festival of some sort, some mist or fog, beds covered with chenille bedspreads, birds (seagulls work nice), porches and roads that look like they couldn’t handle two cars side by side.

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