~“Opening up a can”~

Do you want to look younger, lose weight, boost your “bedroom life,” improve your health and treat intestinal worms?

I know what you are saying…

“I hope I don’t have intestinal worms.”

Well, honestly I hope I don’t either.

None of these things crossed my mind when I was pawing through the pantry looking for something to put in a brown paper bag to take for lunch.  Sometimes I will take an apple, orange or a banana.  Sometimes I will put a box of crackers in my bag or a handful of nuts.

The health part really doesn’t cross my mind.

If there’s a can of Vienna sausages that I have managed to buy and hide behind cans of soup, they are going with me.

I’m not picky.

Leftovers are great.  Recently I took leftover spaghetti in a plastic cup.  There is no one at work I need to or desire to impress with the best Chinet paper plates or Tupperware.  My problem is that I never get back home with the Tupperware or glass bowls.

Eating out of cans is appealing to me.  With a stash of plastic spoons and forks from the dollar store or scavenged at a fast food restaurant, I’m always prepared.

On this morning, I saw a can that looked good and stuck it in a brown paper bag along with a banana and some chocolate tea biscuits.  Chocolate tea biscuits?  I bought them in the “Englishter” section of the grocery store.  For some reason, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

If you are an Andy Griffith Show fan, you will remember when Malcolm Merriweather coming in and out Mayberry two or three times.  Malcolm was the British bicycler who was a valet and also helped Aunt Bee around the house in one episode.

I liked Malcolm – I bought the chocolate tea biscuits (and took them for lunch).

When it came time to eat lunch on this day, I found a can opener and I opened up the can…

I stuck my plastic fork into the can and dug around for a minute…

It did not smell like pumpkin pie and one thing was for sure – it did not taste like pumpkin pie.

After somewhat of a surprising first taste, I put my reading glasses on and started studying the label of the can.  On the can, there was this delicious looking slice of pumpkin pie with a pretty dollop of whip cream on it.   Somewhere in my mind, I thought I was going to be eating pumpkin pie filling or something similar to it for lunch.

The picture on the can was of a pie; it made sense to me to think it was just the “meat” of a pumpkin pie.  What it was - was just the meat of the pumpkin.  After studying the label, I realized that the can was 100 percent pure pumpkin.

I love pumpkin pie…

This was not pumpkin pie; it wasn’t even close.  I ate a couple more bites and found it to be intolerable in its present state.  The best way to describe the taste of pure pumpkin is to think about the muck and stuff you have to dig out in the process of making your Halloween jack-o-lantern.  There is a distinct smell that fills the room when digging out the muck of a pumpkin– not that it is bad, but it is strong and that is the way it tastes.

Well, as with all things, I tried to make the best of my can of pumpkin.  I thought about throwing the banana in with it, but if it didn’t work, I would be left with nothing to eat but the chocolate tea biscuits.  They are good, but I can only eat three or four at one sitting.

Finding some instant spiced cider mix and sugar around the coffee pot area at the office, I mixed them in with the can of pumpkin.  The result was not pumpkin pie, but it was tolerable.

Studying the orange mixture in the can, I started researching pumpkins and how good they are for you and your diet and such.  I had to think about something positive, because the pumpkin concoction just still wasn’t that good.

After finding out that pumpkin and pumpkin seeds can make look younger, lose weight, boost your “bedroom life,” improve your health and treat intestinal worms – I felt better.  I worried about the intestinal worms, but I felt better.

After eating about three quarters of the pumpkin, spiced cider and sugar mixture, I decided I had had enough.  I ate my three or four Malcolm Merriweather tea biscuits and my banana and decided to do something more productive.

They say when life gives you lemons – make lemonade.  I say, “When you are stupid enough to take a can of pumpkin for lunch – make the best of it and pray you don’t need to worry about intestinal worms.”

Read more stories at www.CranksMyTractor.com.