My wife has been giving me a hard time about my tennis game. I will admit that I’ve never been the best at tennis, because I end up blending it with baseball or golf. In other words, if I get an opportunity to give a ball a moonshot, I’ll do it. Perhaps, it’s the racket. Folks are always blaming their problems on their equipment, maybe I should blame my problems on my racket.


I’ve been playing with a pink racket that I rather enjoy. I got it on sale for two dollars. I know what you’re saying. “Perhaps, I should have spent a little more on the equipment that I use.” It does the job. I always played with golf clubs I bought at the second hand store for a dollar a piece and used a golf bag that a buddy of mine found by the side of the road (on trash day). I’m a little thrifty when it comes to my sporting goods.


To be honest, I bought my pink tennis racket at a hardware store. It normally sold for around five dollars, so I got a pretty good discount on it.


Pink? Yes, and it’s plastic and has batteries in it… And it has a button on the side that I push when I attempt to hit a fly mid-air and electrocute. I know that sounds terrible, but it is great sport. I rarely hit a fly, but these big grasshopper things that show up in the late evening make a big “Snap, Crackle, Pop,” when I trap them against the door or let them land on my racket and then push the button.


My wife seems to be annoyed with the “sport” I make of this whole game of zapping insects with my pink plastic tennis racket. She doesn’t like the popping sounds and the apparent joy I get when I actually make contact with the bug.


That led me to seriously consider the sinfulness of zapping bugs. As you would expect, many folks have pondered this question.


Well, one nice lady, who admitted she was a “bug-lover,” noted several reasons for not killing/swinging my pink plastic tennis racket at every six legged critter that comes within ten feet.


She noted that, 1) Bugs were here first and technically we are using their turf, 2) Insects got rid of the dinosaurs and we should be thankful because if they didn’t do this, dinosaurs would be running around eating all of us, 3) If you kill a good bug, you will end up with more “bad bugs,” and 4) Some insects do essential jobs that Americans won’t do, like pollinating flowers.


So, the bug-lover lost me on the first one, second one and third one… I agree that there are probably bugs that could do better work than some folks. There are probably also rattlesnakes and black widow spiders that can do “essential jobs” that Americans won’t do. I won’t go there.


So, I decided not to feel bad about electro-popping flies inside my house and any bugs outside trying to either get in my house or eat food that I am eating or intend on eating while sitting on my partially finished deck, that is being built by the fellow who said, “There will be no problem finishing it before summer.”


It’s October and it is not finished. Perhaps I should let the fellow see me in action with my pink plastic tennis racket. It is frustrating, but he does good work.


Maybe the bug-loving lady could help me out. She also pointed out that trying to kill bugs was a “dangerous business” She told a story about a gentleman from New Jersey who attempted to some exterminating in his kitchen by spraying a particular brand of bug killer, only to have the spray to ignite an explosion. He did succeed in eliminating the bugs, but he also eliminated more than three quarters of his apartment and both of his eyebrows.


There’s all kinds of strange sports and I say if a fellow my age can have a good time with a two dollar pink plastic tennis racket operated by a nine volt battery in/on the privacy of his own partially completed deck that frustrates him greatly, you should just let him.


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