SUBSCRIBE NOW
99¢ for the first month
SUBSCRIBE NOW
99¢ for the first month
COLUMNS

It’s worse than kissing your sister!

Kesley Colbert Contributing Writer

Two things are becoming crystal clear as we muddle our way through this pandemic mess. Both have to do with how we are governed. Neither one is very comforting. And, really, deep down, in the honest section of our hearts, we have known this for years….

We are not ruled by the majority. Oh, gosh, that “democracy” theme plays well. It sounds good. There is nothing better than throwing a George Washington or Abraham Lincoln into an old fashioned political discussion. We foster it at every turn. We just don’t practice it much in real life.

We are governed today by compromise.

Congress convenes and votes as to which direction we need to go. Of course, right off the bat, one party wants concessions from the other as to the exact nature of the “direction.” They hash it out a little on the House and Senate floor, but mostly on Face the Nation and CNN.

This “give and take” has become the norm. We don’t figure out the BEST plan and hop to it. Far from it! We finagle around till both sides “can live with it” and go from there.

And folks, our lives are directly and vigorously impacted under this “government by concession.”

Here’s how compromise works. In 1960 the Rawlings Baseball Company came out with the Trapeze, TG 12 model glove. It had the now iconic Edge-U-Cated Heel and the Double Lazy S lacing that formed the Deep Well Pocket. It had “Stamped For the Professional Player” burned into the Heart of the Hide leather.

It cost almost thirty dollars! I was thirteen years old. I could not keep playing with the $2.98 Western Auto Revelation glove I’d “managed with” for most of a decade. Thirty dollars in 1960 was a pipe dream. I compromised for an old MacGregor Goldsmith G135 three-fingered glove I borrowed off Jackie Burns.

Come on girls, if you couldn’t marry Leonardo DiCaprio, would you “settle” for a Marty Feldman look-a-like?

You do crazy things in college. Robert “Bambi” Akin really liked this girl who lived down in the valley. She couldn’t date him unless her friend came along. Guess who Bambi selected to “go out” with the friend?”

“What does she look like?”

“Kes, she’s got a great personality.”

“What does she look like?”

“Man, you ought to see this girl dance!”

“Bambi, what does she look like?”

“All the girls like her.”

Sometimes a compromise can cost you beyond all belief…..

We recently bought a new “water saver” showerhead. This thing was guaranteed to save money by limiting the amount of water used. The compromise was, of course, we didn’t have our usual water pressure. As it turned out, the shower had to run twice as long to get the soap out of our hair…..which, duh, cost us MORE money in the long run.

If you can’t trust a compromise in the shower, how could you possibly trust one with our government!

The second eye-opener so clearly revealed by our current malady is the government’s solution to every single problem we have—just throw enough money at it, and in some magical mystic way, everything will be “fixed!”

How shortsighted.

I used to think along the same lines. When I was nine years old! We’d sit out beside the road hoping some rich guy in a big black Cadillac would drive by and toss a brand new baseball out the window.

I thought money would bring me girls, a happy life, prestige, self-worth…..all the good stuff!

Did you know we used to roll up one of Daddy’s nylon socks in a tight wad and use it as a baseball! We would take black electrician tape, wrap it around an old ball, and make it last for another season. We became innovative out of necessity….

I never had to wonder if a girl dated me for my money. All the cash in the world wouldn’t have helped on my college calculus final. And ten million dollars couldn’t make me look like James Dean!

It took years to realize that being born dirt poor out at the end of Stonewall Street was a direct blessing from Heaven.

You can’t buy your way into nothing that really counts.

It would be wonderful to have a government today that didn’t rule by compromise and could “make do” with the money we’ve already given them.

But I reckon running a government is a little more complicated than buying a baseball glove. Or at least, they want us to believe that it is…..

Respectfully,

Kes